It’s a common feeling: you’ve read the parenting books, shared parenting advice with friends, but applying it to your own kids feels different. That feeling of knowing what you should do, yet still scrambling, forgetting things, or feeling too drained? Many parents know it well.

For me, as a dad with ADHD, this gap between knowing and doing feels amplified. I work in the ADHD field and I understand the strategies. However, applying these strategies daily amidst the beautiful chaos of raising a child is the real challenge. Guilt often follows when I forget the very things I preach.

The Mirror Effect

ADHD often runs in families. Though my daughter does not have a diagnosis, I frequently see her struggle with the same tasks as me- like getting out the door on time, maintaining focus on the monotonous routines and procrastinating far longer than it would take her to just do the task.

Seeing yourself in your child is both beautiful and terrifying. I vividly remember all of the times I made my life far more difficult than it needed to be. I want to shield her from the social challenges, impulsive actions, and academic frustrations because I know how hard these qualities have made my path. However, I know her path is hers and, like me, needs to learn these lessons on her own.
It’s intense when your child mirrors your own challenges. When my daughter misplaces her shoes, melts down over homework, or makes us late, it triggers my own struggles. It doesn’t magically make me patient; it often magnifies my frustration. Yet, it’s also an invitation to heal, grow, and learn together.

The Quiet Questions We All Ask

I hear the same questions from other parents navigating their ADHD:

How can I parent well when I struggle to manage myself?
How do I raise a happy and healthy child if I don’t feel that way?
Where’s the time to recharge?

This guilt shows how deeply we care, though sometimes that care comes out sideways as overcompensating or avoidance.

The Strengths in Parenting with ADHD

But it’s not all struggle. Being a father with ADHD brings unique strengths. Due to my abundance of energy and spontaneity, I am usually the first parent to jump into the pool and the one trying to do cartwheels while other parents are content watching.

More profoundly, my journey fosters deep empathy. I know what trying hard and falling short feels like. This shifts my focus from perfection to what truly matters: effort, connection, resilience.

Our kids often don’t listen to what we say but they are always watching what we do. Modeling effort — trying again after messing up and offering a genuine apology — is powerful. This is not about pretending; it’s about showing the real process of working through challenges.

My daughter sees me lose my phone daily and frantically search for the permission slip I was supposed to sign, but I hope she also sees me trying, growing, and practicing self-compassion.

The Real Parenting With ADHD Advice

Start with empathy, especially for yourself. You will mess up – we all do – and learning to treat yourself with kindness after a mistake isn’t just nice, it’s necessary. Accepting that imperfection is part of the process allows you to move forward. Our challenges are often beautiful modeling opportunities for our kids.

Prioritizing your own well-being is foundational. Remember, this parenting journey is long. Your child needs you present and sustained, not depleted. True self-care is fueled by self-empathy and is essential to showing up as the parent you want to be, year after year. In the daily battles, it is important to remember your child will need your guidance for a very long time.

More Than Enough

Parenting with ADHD isn’t a flaw. It’s a different path demanding honesty, flexibility, and love – for our kids and ourselves. We won’t get it all right, and many permission slips will be forgotten. But by showing up, staying curious, and growing alongside them, we are doing more than enough.