Developing Independence

When I speak with parents raising children with executive function challenges, many do not see a future when their child is living independently. Between struggling to wake up on time, leaving a trail of papers behind them, and regularly forgetting their lunch, it seems unimaginable that these children could one day live independently. I remind parents that the brain will mature and there are proactive steps we can take to help these students become independent. It takes time, patience, love, accountability, and consistent reinforcement. Here are the research-based strategies to help your child prepare for the launch.

1. Letting Your Child Fail: It may seem counterintuitive, but allowing your child to experience failure is necessary to develop executive function skills. While it’s natural for parents to want to intervene and “fix” the situation, this does not allow the student to develop problem-solving skills.

Natural consequences, rather than those that feel artificial, motivate students to put in the effort. We have worked with countless students placed on academic probation, and they are often more prepared to do the work after failure occurs. However, it’s important to note that if students lack the necessary skills (how to advocate, build an organizational system, break down a project into manageable pieces, etc.) and support to succeed, they may not know how to approach the work, leading many to become discouraged.

2. Ask a Lot of Questions: Every student is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to organization or learning, especially for neurodiverse students. The best way to discover their unique learning style is by asking many questions. Ask questions such as:

What time of day are you most productive?
How do you recharge after a long working session?
Do you notice any changes in your concentration after you move?
Do you focus better in a loud environment or a quiet environment?

By asking these questions over time, the student will notice patterns about how they function best. This information can be used to create a schedule and a lifestyle tailored to their needs. This process promotes independence, builds executive function skills, and fosters self-awareness, which is a superpower.

3. Establish Routines for a Healthy Lifestyle: Healthy routines are necessary for students to build and strengthen their executive function skills. Assist your child in identifying which routines need to be built. Here are ideas for routines we observe that have the biggest impact:

Movement Routine: 15 minutes daily enhances focus, alleviates stress, and improves overall cognitive performance.

Bedtime Routine: Establishing a consistent sleep schedule is one of the most challenging aspects for young adults transitioning to independent living. It is not easy for an 18-year-old to turn off their cell phone and go to bed at a reasonable hour. To develop independence, encourage them to set their sleep schedule, create a bedtime routine, and stick to it. Stress the importance of prioritizing sleep for their overall well-being and cognitive function. Once they have developed solid sleep habits, gradually step back and let them take the reins on their sleep habits. Occasionally, they may need to live with the natural consequences of staying up too late.

Productivity Routines: A consistent study routine can help establish a habit, making it easier to start productive work without procrastination. A regular study schedule allows your child to shift quickly into focus. A productivity routine reduces stress by providing certainty about when tasks will be accomplished, improving overall time management.

Relaxation techniques: Incorporating mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or mindfulness can help your child develop emotional regulation and stress management abilities. By supporting these routines, you empower your child to take control of their well-being and lay a solid foundation for developing executive function skills.

4. Role-Play Advocating: One of the most important life skills for students with executive function challenges is advocating for themselves. Try role-playing at home, where your child practices talking to teachers or any situation that may seem overwhelming. Common situations we see students need help advocating are:

When they need accommodations
Missing school for sports or an extracurricular
Confusing social situations
When they feel unfairly blamed for something

Learning to be assertive, kind, and clear when advocating is a lifelong skill. A little practice will lead to large returns.

Conclusion

Though it may not seem like it, there is a path to independence for children with executive function challenges. By fostering problem-solving skills, encouraging self-awareness, and supporting the development of healthy routines, we give our children the long-term skills to thrive. It isn’t s quick fix, but lots of love and accountability, and they will get there.