The Summer Before They Leave for College

As the summer before college approaches, your teenager’s schedule might look something like this: bedtime at 3 am, waking up at noon, and filling their days with a mix of work, socializing with friends, and, if you’re lucky, a bit of family time. However, come fall, we expect them to transform into responsible, independent adults ready to excel independently in higher education. This sudden change in expectations is akin to getting off the couch and running a marathon without any prior training. 

The period presents a challenging balance between cherishing moments with your child before they leave home and helping them develop the skills and habits that will set them up for success in the fall. This is not an easy situation to navigate. Many students are confident in their abilities to be independent, but they may not understand that discipline and good habits are not qualities that can be turned on like a light switch. Developing these traits requires time, effort, and guidance. Here is how we can help:

Prioritizing Sleep and Establishing a Routine

According to feedback from Untapped parents, the biggest challenge for students during the summer is maintaining a consistent sleep schedule. As teenagers navigate their last summer before college, they often try to balance time with friends, work commitments, and the excitement of newfound independence. Unfortunately, it’s their sleep that typically suffers the most during this period.

This inconsistency in sleep during the summer typically carries over into college, where late-night study sessions and staying out with friends can easily disrupt sleep routines. Poor sleep habits may lead to decreased academic performance and mental health. Student’s greatest challenge is resisting impulses, such as playing video games or watching that final YouTube video, and independently establishing a consistent bedtime. 

As parents, it’s important to be realistic and allow young adults to learn from their mistakes, such as experiencing the consequences of staying up too late on their phones and working an 8-hour shift the following morning. However, many young adults do not fully grasp the importance of sleep in relation to learning and the benefits of maintaining a consistent sleep routine. Parents can help by emphasizing the importance of prioritizing sleep, establishing a regular sleep schedule, and establishing good and independent sleep hygiene the summer before the transition with students to college.

Sleep and Learning Research: 

• Sleep Quality and Academic Performance: Many studies have found that better quality, longer duration, and greater sleep consistency are significantly associated with improved academic performance in college students.

• Sleep Deprivation and Poor Academics: The same study also reported that sleep deprivation, particularly during weekdays, was associated with a worse perception of academic performance. A significant portion of students (61.3%) believed their academic performance would improve if they got more sleep.

• Sleep Deprivation and Cognitive Impairment: Another study on sleep quality among university students found that poor sleep quality is prevalent and linked to adverse health outcomes, including reduced academic performance.

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The Importance of Consistent Sleep Patterns: 

While the amount of sleep is crucial for learning and mental health, the consistency of their sleep schedule also plays a significant role in their overall well-being and academic performance. Research has shown that maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, even on weekends, is associated with better sleep quality, improved daytime functioning, and higher academic achievement. This consistency helps regulate their circadian rhythm, making it easier for them to fall asleep and wake up feeling refreshed. 

At Untapped, we recommend that students maintain a consistent sleep schedule, with a variance of no more than 2 hours between weeknights and weekends. For example, if a student typically goes to bed at 11 PM on weeknights, we encourage them to aim for a bedtime no later than 1 AM on weekends. Consistency in wake-up times is equally important; varying wake-up times, such as 7:45 AM on Mondays, 10:45 AM on Tuesdays, and Noon on Sundays, can impact the brain’s ability to learn. 

While an exciting social life is a memorable and important part of the college experience, students can maintain a consistent sleep schedule within a two-hour range while fully enjoying friends, parties, etc. Many successful students have found a balance that allows them to prioritize their sleep and well-being without compromising their ability to engage in the social aspects of college life.

How to Establish Sleep Routines the Summer Before: 

1. Set a Consistent Sleep Schedule: Choose a bedtime and wake-up time that works with your daily commitments, stick to that each weekday, and try to stay within 2 hours of that on weekends. Consistency trains your brain to feel tired at bedtime and wake up refreshed naturally.

2. Encourage a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Help your teen establish a calming bedtime routine that promotes better sleep. Suggest activities like reading or listening to calm music before bed. Try to have them detach from screens and emphasize the importance of consistency in their pre-sleep routine, as it signals to the brain that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep. 

3. Help Optimize Their Sleep Environment: Assist your teenager in creating a bedroom environment conducive to sleep. Encourage them to keep their room cool, dark, and quiet. By helping your teen create a sleep-friendly environment, you’ll support their ability to get the quality rest they need. They may not listen to you now, but the goal is for them to understand how to get deep sleep while living independently. 

Developing Time Management Skills

Your child has had you as a safety net for their time management skills for their entire academic lives. Even independent teenagers still need the occasional reminder from parents about appointments, laundry, assignments, etc. For the first time, your child will juggle academic responsibilities, extracurricular activities, and social commitments. Students who develop strong time management skills are better equipped to handle the stresses of college life and the challenge of living independently for the first time.

How to Develop an Organizational System during the Summer:

1. Self-Assessment: Reflect with your child on when they study best and where they are most productive. Use that information to start building the organization and productivity systems. Having these low-stress conversations during the summer will help them understand their learning style for when they need it in the fall. 
2. Establish Routines: Create bookend routines to provide structure while allowing freedom in the middle of the day. This practice will help them adapt to college life more quickly.
3. Utilize a Calendar or Planner and Reminder System: Have your child start tracking appointments and commitments during the summer. This allows their system to “fail” early to make improvements before the Fall. 
4. Systematize the “Boring” Stuff: Help your child develop a “set and forget” approach for repetitive tasks. For example, designate Sundays as laundry day or set up automatic Amazon orders for essentials like deodorant. By systematizing these mundane tasks, your student can focus on more important things. 

Remember, time management is a skill that requires practice. There is no “correct” organizational system, only one your child feels comfortable with and is accessible. Be patient and supportive as your child makes mistakes while developing this system. It is better to make a mistake the summer before and find the hole in their organizational system rather than next year. 

Fostering Independence and Life Skills

College life requires a level of independence that may be new for your child. This summer, focus on helping them develop the life skills they’ll need to thrive independently. The key is to provide them with autonomy, allow them to make mistakes, learn from them, and offer positive reinforcement when they handle situations correctly.

Which Life Skills to Start With:

From our experiences, these can be great places to start developing the skills needed for independence: 

Laundry: If your child isn’t already doing their own laundry, now is the time to start. Encourage them to make it a regular part of their weekly routine, just like it will be in college.

Grocery Shopping: Even though most first-year students will have meal plans, it is necessary to learn to budget for groceries and maintain healthy eating habits independently. Have your student shop for groceries and meal prep over the summer and give instruction where needed. 

Finances: Discuss budgeting, responsible credit card use, and saving money. Help them set up a bank account and teach them how to track their expenses. We have seen way too many freshmen make negative financial decisions that have a long-term impact.  

Learning to Advocate: Practice role-playing scenarios where your child may need to speak up for themselves, such as discussing accommodations with a professor or resolving a conflict with a roommate. Encourage them to communicate clearly, kindly, and effectively.

Remember, the goal is to teach your child the skills they need to succeed, provide them with the space to make mistakes and offer support and guidance as they learn and improve.

The Lead Domino for the Summer Before

If we’re being honest, the summer after high school is rarely the most productive time in our lives. This period, while fun, generally fails to develop the discipline necessary for college. Many students find themselves distracted and lacking the motivation to maintain healthy routines. Our only opportunity is to establish a “lead domino” routine. The ‘lead domino’ states that focusing on one key habit or task can create a chain reaction of positive outcomes. This is the mindset we have seen land over the summer. Here are examples of ‘lead dominos’ that have done the most to prepare students for independence. 

1. Daily Reading Habit: Daily reading during the summer keeps the brain active and prepared for the academic intensity ahead. It improves comprehension and critical thinking while helping students maintain a routine similar to college study demands.

2. Volunteer Work: Volunteering helps develop time management skills, responsibility and improves self-worth. It also helps center the student and provides perspective before they leave for college.

3. Learning to Manage Money: Learning basic budgeting and finance over the summer can help prepare for financial independence in college. This helps prevent common financial missteps and anxiety that come with independence.

Setting and Achieving Goals in Unstructured Time

Between graduation, friends, travel, and trying to assert their independence, the summer before college is often chaotic and flies by. Without the structure of classes and extracurricular activities, letting time slip away is easy. Despite the fun they will be having, it is still important for them to have goals and improve.

Goal Setting and Achievement During the Summer

One Academic and One Extracurricular Goal: Identify an academic goal, such as reading a book related to their future major or learning a new study technique. Suggest setting an extracurricular goal, like saving money for college expenses or a workout routine so they can arrive on campus feeling healthy.

Bookend Routines: Help your child create a daily routine that starts and ends their day with purpose. This could include waking up at a consistent time, engaging in a morning movement, or a task that will help them reach their goals. In the evening, encourage them to reflect on their progress and plan for the next day. This leaves the middle of the day open for fun and independence.

Accountability Partner: Accountability from a parent can be challenging as your child seeks independence. If your child is defensive about accountability from you, help them find a coach, mentor, or accountability partner so they can reach their summer goals. A perspective can help your child feel more responsible for their progress and not damage your relationship.

This is all Great, but What if My Child Isn’t Listening to Me?

Most teenagers feel a mix of overconfidence and fear about the upcoming transition to independence. These emotions and uncertainty are usually shown through resistance to advice and rebellion against those we know won’t leave us. Remember, rebellion is a normal part of developing independence. 

Do your best to offer support and encouragement, but also give your child the space to make their own decisions and learn from their experiences. Encourage open communication and set clear expectations about your role in their decision-making process. If your child continues to struggle with accepting your guidance, consider seeking outside support from a trusted mentor, coach, or counselor who can provide an objective perspective and help your child navigate this unique summer.

Enjoying the Summer Before They Leave

While it’s important to help your child prepare for the challenges ahead, don’t forget to enjoy this time together. For many of us, this marks the end of an era when our child lives in our home. It can be a bittersweet time, filled with both sadness and excitement for what lies ahead. 

Take the opportunity to reflect on the wonderful memories you’ve shared and the growth you’ve witnessed in your child. Plan fun activities, create lasting memories, and enjoy your time together. Find comfort in knowing that no matter where your child goes, they will always need your love and support. 

Parenting a child who struggles with executive function can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Let Untapped help!

For More:

Social Support and Mental Health Among College Students

Causes and Consequences of Sleepiness Among College Students

Psychosocial Factors Predicting First-Year College Student Success.