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Brandon Slade
November 14, 2024
Summary: For children with executive function (EF) challenges, celebrating small victories—like improving grades slightly or completing most assignments—builds confidence, motivation, and resilience. These successes break the cycle of negative feedback often experienced in traditional educational environments and reinforce positive habits.
For parents of children with executive function (EF) challenges, celebrating small victories might feel like settling for less. It can be tempting to focus on the end goals and overlook minor improvements like handing in 10 out of 12 assignments or raising a grade by just a few points. However, these small steps are powerful: they build confidence, create motivation, and lay the foundation for larger successes over time.
Research shows that for kids with ADHD or executive function difficulties, acknowledging progress, even the smallest achievements, helps reinforce positive habits and builds resilience.
Here’s why these small wins matter so much, and how celebrating them can help children with executive function challenges grow into their best selves.
The Challenge of Constant Negative Feedback
The typical student with EF challenges receives around 20,000 more negative comments than positive ones by age 10. This staggering number reflects a school environment that often focuses on correcting behaviors or pointing out missed tasks rather than highlighting growth. These frequent criticisms can make students feel as though they’re constantly failing, leading to anxiety, low self-esteem, and a reluctance to try again.
For these students, each moment of success, no matter how small, is a chance to break this negative cycle. Research shows that positive reinforcement can significantly boost confidence and reduce anxiety, especially for children with learning and attention challenges.
Acknowledging small victories helps children feel seen and valued, building a foundation of self-belief that motivates them to tackle bigger challenges over time.
Why Celebrating Small Successes Matters
When you focus on small victories, you create a supportive environment where progress is celebrated and the failure doesn’t overshadow effort. This approach is especially important for students with EF challenges, who often feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities or tasks that come easily to others. Here’s why small celebrations make a big difference:
- Building Confidence and Self-Esteem: Positive reinforcement shows students that their efforts are meaningful, building self-confidence. Every time they hear, “I’m proud of you,” it boosts their motivation to keep trying.
- Promoting a Growth Mindset: Celebrating small steps forward helps students see their potential for improvement. They begin to understand that success isn’t about perfection but about persistent effort and growth.
- Supporting Dopamine Release: When a child feels pride in their accomplishment, however small, their brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter that reinforces positive feelings. This “feel-good” chemical boost motivates them to continue pushing forward, building resilience and focus.
Practical Strategies for Recognizing and Celebrating Small Wins
It is best practice to make praise specific, meaningful, and actionable. Here are some practical ways to make small wins matter for your child:
- Set and Celebrate Achievable Short-Term Goals
Help your child build confidence by setting small, achievable goals that they can accomplish daily or weekly. Breaking down larger tasks into short-term steps allows children to feel successful consistently.
Example: If a big project is due in two weeks, encourage your child to complete one slide or research one topic each day. Each time they reach a mini-goal, provide a small positive reinforcement.
Why This Works: Short-term goals allow students to experience frequent success, boosting motivation and reducing stress around large tasks. Over time, praise will be needed less frequently.
- Use Specific Praise for Positive Reinforcement
Generic praise like “Good job” can feel vague or empty. Instead, be specific about what your child achieved and how it shows improvement.
Examples of Specific Praise:
- “You turned in 10 out of 12 assignments this week, a big improvement from last week’s 7! Let’s talk about what helped you get there and see how we can reach all 12 next week.”
- “I noticed you raised your science grade by 3% this week. That’s real progress! How about we set a small goal for the next test?”
- “I saw you completed that tough math problem on your own—that’s impressive problem-solving!”
Why This Works: Specific praise helps children recognize their progress and builds a tangible sense of accomplishment. They see that their effort is valuable, even if they don’t yet achieve perfection.
- Create a Recognition Routine
For older students, develop a recognition routine that ties small achievements to meaningful privileges. This can include not just academics but also life skills, such as managing time effectively or communicating with teachers. Celebrating milestones with rewards they value, like an extended curfew, extra time with friends, or choosing a family activity, reinforces positive behavior.
Example: Use a “Milestone Tracker” where each accomplishment, like completing assignments on time or showing initiative, contributes toward a reward. This system acknowledges their efforts in a way that aligns with their independence.
Why This Works: Linking achievements to real-life privileges promotes responsibility and self-motivation. It helps students see that consistent effort leads to positive outcomes they care about.
- Be a Mirror to Show Them How Far They’ve Come
Children with executive function challenges often struggle to recognize their own progress, especially when there are frequent setbacks. Acting as a “mirror” for your child allows you to reflect their growth back to them, helping them see the strides they’ve made even when they can’t.
Example: After a week of improved organization, you might say, “Do you remember last month when it was hard to keep your backpack organized? Now you’re doing it every day without reminders.” Remind them of where they started, and show them how each small victory contributes to their overall growth.
Why This Works: Acting as a mirror reinforces self-awareness and encourages children to see themselves as capable of growth. It shifts their focus from “how much is left to do” to “look how far I’ve come,” building confidence and a sense of accomplishment.
By being a mirror, you’re not only helping them recognize their achievements but also teaching them to appreciate and value their own progress. This internal reflection is a powerful tool for building resilience and fostering a positive self-image.
Recognizing that Traditional School Models Don’t Fit Every Student
Kids with EF challenges often struggle in traditional school environments, where success is frequently measured by grades and test scores. Small victories are essential because they keep students engaged, help them see their unique path, and build resilience.
Tip: Reinforce to your child that their success is about consistent effort, not how they compare to classmates. This helps them understand that everyone’s path is different, and that’s okay.
How Small Wins Improve Relationships
Celebrating small victories doesn’t just benefit the student; it also strengthens the relationship between parents, children, coaches, and educators. When a child feels that adults see and appreciate their efforts, it builds trust, and encourages communication.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: Is it possible to celebrate too many small wins?
Not at all! Every small step forward builds confidence and motivation, which supports long-term success.
Q: What if my child doesn’t seem to care about the praise?
It’s common for praise to take time to show effects, especially if children are used to hearing criticism. Consistent acknowledgment of effort will gradually build their confidence and resilience.
Q: How do I avoid sounding patronizing?
Be genuine and specific. Focusing on their effort and tangible improvements keeps encouragement sincere and impactful.
Start Noticing One Small Win Each Day
Challenge yourself to recognize at least one small win each day. Whether it’s focusing on a homework assignment for an extra few minutes, remembering to bring all their materials, or taking the initiative to ask for help, every small step forward deserves acknowledgment.
Need more support? Reach out to Untapped Learning to learn more about celebrating your child’s achievements and building their executive function skills.
By focusing on these small victories, you’re not only helping your child grow academically but also building a foundation of confidence, resilience, and self-worth—qualities that will serve them well throughout their life.
For More:
The Effects of Praise on Kids: 10 Evidence-Based Tips for Better Outcomes
Children with ADHD Avoid Failure and Punishment More Than Others
Brandon Slade is the founder of Untapped Learning. He combines his personal experience with executive function challenges with his years of experience in order to help students across the country.
