Lauren’s Journey with Perfectionism: Finding Balance in High School and College

Perfectionism can be both motivating and overwhelming, especially for students striving to meet high expectations in school and life. Many students face pressure in school, sports, after-school activities, and socially. This pressure often leads to anxiety and burnout.

Lauren Levey’s story highlights the reality of growing up in a high-achieving environment in suburban Chicago, and how she learned to manage perfectionism while finding balance. Now, Lauren offers practical advice for students and parents facing similar pressures. She also offers insights into transitioning from structure to the challenges of going to college out of state.

Growing Up In a High-Pressure Environment

Lauren grew up in a suburban Chicago community where high achievement was the norm. “Everyone around me was an overachiever,” she explained, reflecting on her high school experience. It wasn’t just academics, it was sports, clubs, and every aspect of student life. The pressure to keep up was relentless and ever-present.

Her typical day was a whirlwind of responsibilities: “I’d wake up at 6 a.m. for early meetings or basketball practice, then go to school until the end of the day. Even during lunch, my friends and I would do homework together. After school, it was more practice until 6 or 7 p.m.,” she remembered. It was a cycle that left little room for genuine downtime or rest.

Unseen Pressures and the Reality of Expectations in High-Achieving Schools

Interestingly, the pressure Lauren felt didn’t come from her parents. “My parents were always telling me I didn’t have to do all of this,” she said. “They supported me, and they let me know that a B grade was perfectly okay.”

The real push came from her peers and the school culture. To fit in, to stay relevant, to maintain friendships, these pressures were ever-present. “It was more about keeping up with everyone else,” Lauren admitted. The constant comparison and the fear of falling behind fueled her perfectionist tendencies.

Understanding the Pressure of Going to an Out-of-State College:

For students from high-achieving environments like Lauren’s, the idea of going to an out-of-state college can intensify these pressures. Many students feel they need to prove themselves by attending prestigious universities far from home, adding to the stress of adjusting to a new environment on top of academic demands.

The Wake-Up Call: The Cost of Pushing Too Hard

Lauren’s breaking point came after a serious basketball concussion. “I should have taken time to rest,” she shared, “but I just kept pushing through.” Ignoring her need to recover only worsened the symptoms, turning what should have been a temporary setback into a prolonged struggle.

This wasn’t the only consequence of her drive for perfection:

Persistent anxiety and sleepless nights
Frequent illnesses caused by exhaustion
Emotional breakdowns over even small setbacks
Social isolation—except for the times she was studying

Learning to Adapt and Redefine Success Away from Home

The turning point for Lauren came when she decided to take a step back. “I realized I didn’t do well in the fast-paced honors classes, and I needed to respect that,” she said. It was about finding a balance between challenging herself and being realistic about her limits—something especially important when she transitioned to an out-of-state college.

Lauren made some significant changes that led to her transformation

1. Scaling Back Academics

She dropped some of her honors classes. “It wasn’t until then that I started to actually retain information,” Lauren admitted. Before that, everything had been a blur of rereading without anything sticking.

2. Creating a Sustainable Routine

In college, especially as an out-of-state student, Lauren adopted a “9-to-5” approach—treating her academics like a job. This meant dedicated hours for work and clear boundaries for relaxation. “I finally had evenings to myself, to relax or socialize,” she shared. This structure helped her sleep better, feel less anxious, and find joy in her day again. Navigating a new environment was tough, but having this routine made it manageable.

3. Redefining What Success Means

“I felt like I wasn’t as capable as others,” Lauren reflected, “but eventually, I realized I just learn differently.” Accepting this allowed her to focus on her passion instead of comparing herself to peers headed for prestigious universities. This shift was particularly important as she adjusted to life out of state, where the competition and expectations could feel even more intense.

Expert Recommendations About Perfectionism

For Students:

If you’re a student grappling with perfectionism, remember that learning is about growth, not flawlessness. Here are some practical strategies to help manage perfectionist tendencies:

Aim for “Good Enough”: Permit yourself to turn in work that’s “good enough” rather than perfect. Often, the pursuit of flawless work leads to stress without significantly better results. Pour your heart into the small amount of tasks that matter and use the “good enough” mindset for the rest.

Set Time Limits: Set a reasonable time limit for each assignment to avoid getting stuck in endless revisions. This helps you balance quality and productivity.

Practice Self-Compassion: Mistakes are a natural part of learning. Practice self-compassion when you make errors they are stepping stones for improvement, not failures.

For Parents:

As a parent, your role is vital in helping your child develop healthy standards of achievement. You can support them by creating an environment that values growth over perfection.

Red Flags of Perfectionism

Late nights spent studying
Anxiety over every assignment or exam
Comparing yourself constantly to others
Difficulty enjoying downtime without feeling guilty
Frequent exhaustion and physical symptoms like getting sick often

How to Support:

Praise Effort, Not Just Results: Focus on praising effort and progress rather than outcomes. Instead of saying “You’re so smart,” try “I see how hard you worked on this.” This helps your child understand that their worth is not solely tied to achievements.

Share Your Own Mistakes: Share your own experiences with mistakes and what you learned from them. This can help normalize failure as a part of life and learning.

Set Realistic Time Limits: Help your child set reasonable time limits for homework and studying to avoid burnout and overwork. Setting boundaries helps them learn balance.

Achieving Balance without Sacrifice in College

The most important part of Lauren’s journey isn’t that she stopped striving for success, it’s that she found a way to succeed without sacrificing her well-being. “It made my life so much better,” she said. “I was getting out of my dorm, meeting new people, and still had time for friends.” Balance didn’t make her life dull; it made it sustainable.

Her story is a powerful reminder that success doesn’t mean perfection, it means finding a path that allows for both achievement and happiness, even when far from home.

Frequently Asked Questions About Perfectionism:

Q: How can I tell if perfectionism is negatively affecting my life?

A: Watch for warning signs such as chronic anxiety about assignments, difficulty enjoying free time without guilt, frequent physical exhaustion, and constantly comparing yourself to others. If these symptoms persist and affect your well-being, your perfectionism may have become unhealthy.

Q: Will reducing perfectionist tendencies hurt my academic performance?

A: Not necessarily. As Lauren’s experience shows, scaling back perfectionist behaviors can actually improve learning outcomes by allowing better information retention and creating space for more effective study habits. The key is finding a balanced approach that maintains high standards while being realistic about limitations.

Q: What’s the first step in managing perfectionism, especially when transitioning to college?

A: Start by creating clear boundaries between work and relaxation time. Following Lauren’s example, establish a structured routine (like her “9-to-5” approach) that allows for both dedicated study time and genuine downtime. This helps maintain academic performance while protecting your well-being.

Are you struggling to balance academics, activities, and well-being, especially as you consider an out-of-state college? Untapped Learning can help you or your child develop the executive function skills needed to achieve sustainable success, whether you’re in Chicago or navigating life far from home.

For More:
The Latest Research on Perfectionism Will Change the Way You Look at It

A Review on Perfectionism

The Pros and Cons of Perfectionism, According to Research